Grandma humor

My grandmother has gotten to the point where she is really fond of gallows humor. When I talked to her on Mother’s Day, she shared this gem with me:

Three old men are contemplating their impending deaths and talking about that ancient fantasy – being present at your own funeral.

One of them asks, “There you are, lying in your casket – what would you want to hear people saying about you? How would you want to be remembered?”

The first old man says, “I hope they talk about how much I loved my family – how I was a respectful son and a proud father. About how my family always knew that, no matter what, they were my first priority and that my loyalty to family trumped all other allegiances.”

The second old man says, “I hope they talk about how much I accomplished. About all my hard work and dedication to my job. And that even though I am gone, my work lives on.”

The third old man says, “Well, what I would really like, when I am lying there in my coffin, is to hear someone saying, ‘Hey look! He’s breathing!’”