A personal history of beer which is neither complete nor illuminating

1. The first beer I tasted where I could “get” the flavors as described by the bottle? Pete’s Wicked Winter Brew. It had a hint of raspberry
which came through in the finish. The front end was a nice, light ale, making the fruity finish all the more enjoyable.

It just happened one day in 1996. I was drinking one, and as a big gulp went down, I suddenly tasted raspberries. Prior to then, I would read tasting notes for beer and say, “Yeah, whatever, it tastes like beer. It's either light or dark, and that's it.” After my Winter Brew epiphany, everything changed.

2. A six pack of Honey Brown was $5.99 when I was in college. I used to consider it a fine beer.

3. I have never consumed a .40.

4. The first time I remember going “upscale” with a beer purchase was a six pack of Heineken Special Dark from the Campus Citgo.

5. The first time I tried Dogfish Head’s 60-minute pale ale, I thought it was horribly bitter and unbalanced.

6. The defunct Olde Heurich brewing company made the first pale ale that I loved: the Foggy Bottom ale. Shortly thereafter, I discovered Tupper’s Hop Pocket, and that was when I really came to understand hops. In fact, Tupper’s Hop Pocket was one of the beers we served at our wedding, and it gave me a huge thrill to see that my dad really enjoyed it too - and that he found on his own, with no coaching from me. He’s not much of a beer drinker, but clearly, the Tupper’s made an impact. Or it plays to our genetics.

7. The first time I heard about Belgian beer was in an article in a Brazilian Playboy magazine. I had a subscription when I was 13. This is less weird than it sounds: most of my friends who were my age had subscriptions too, all with parental permission. Some of my friends even got the more hardcore nudie mags from their dads. I even remember having a conversation with a female classmate about a fiction piece from a recent issue of Playboy. Indeed, we read the articles, including a fantastic 3-part series that was a famous reporter’s memoirs from the 1970 World Cup. I’ve tried to locate this article online, but the combination of “world cup,” “article,” and “playboy brasil” yields some expectedly irrelevant google results.

Anyway, there was an article in an issue of Playboy about how to enjoy the fine things in life (now that I think about it, every article in every issue was more or less about that very same topic. Hmmm.) One of those things was Belgian beer. The advice I remember from the article is that you should be very careful handling the glass after the beer is poured, to avoid unnecessarily warming the beer with your fingers. Whenever possible, hold the glass from the stem rather than around the bulb.

8. Anytime I’m working out – but especially in the middle of a long run - the thing that keeps me going is the promise of a beer later in the day. At around mile 6, all I can think about is beer. I crave it in ways that I don’t understand. I’m not sure I’d be able to work out if I didn’t think I’d be able to enjoy a beer later as a result.

9. Let’s do the math. From “Trains Across the Sea” by the Silver Jews:

In 27 years
I’ve drunk 50,000 beers
And they just wash against me like the sea into a pier

From ages 17 to 20, let’s assume I drank an average of 3 beers a day, 5 times a week. That’s 15 beers a week, translating to about 780 a year. Over 4 years, that amounts to 3120 beers.

Let’s assume that for 21 to 23, I dialed it back a bit to 3 beers a day, 4 times a week. Remember, this is an average, and it includes family gatherings, work happy hours, business trips, etc. That’s 12 beers a week, or 624 a year. Over three years, that makes about 1872.

From 24 to 26, say I set myself back – disposable income, a kickball league, etc. Let’s say 4 beers a day, 5 times a week – for a total of 20 per week, or 1040 per annum. Over three years, that’s 3120 (weird how that’s the same as for 17-20, huh?)

Assume that 27 to 31, I returned to a more socially acceptable 3/4 split, like for ages 21-23 – 624 a year. Over 5 years, weirdly enough, that equals my total for 17-20 and 24-26: 3120 beers (that number, again! This is like an episode of Lost…)

Anyway, adding them all up: in 31 years I’ve drunk 11,232 beers. Meaning that David Berman consumed almost 5 times more beer than me in a considerably shorter timeframe. Which is also why he’s had infinitely more health problems than I have, I guess.

And there, folks, is my list of beer-related thoughts on this clear federal holiday.